Discuss the tantrum in very simple terms and acknowledge your child's frustration. When the storm subsides, talk calmly about what happened. Let your child know you're available for them, but give them space. If your child refuses to stay in time-out, simply place them back in the spot firmly but calmly and go about your business. I'm going to be right over there." Also, let them know they're not in trouble. Placing your child in a quiet spot for a brief period (about one minute per year of their age) can be a good lesson in self-soothing.Įxplain what you're doing: "You're going to have a time-out so you can calm down. Make sure to tell your child that the time-out is a break, not a punishment.Ī time-out can be helpful when your child's tantrum is especially intense and other techniques aren't working. Use time-outs sparinglyĭepending on your child, using a time-out occasionally, beginning at about the age of 18 months, may help them manage their feelings better when they have a tantrum. Tell them why they're there ("You're not being safe right now and you're hurting people"), and let them know that you'll stay with them until they can be calm. If your child's outburst escalates to the point that they're hitting people or pets, biting, throwing things, or running away from you, pick them up and carry them to a safe place. The last thing they need is to feel that you're not in control, either. Besides, your child is already frightened by being out of control. No matter how long the tantrum continues, don't give in to unreasonable demands or try to negotiate with your screaming toddler.īy giving in, you'll only be teaching your child that throwing a fit is a good way to get what they want, which sets the stage for future conflicts. And research shows that physical punishment may actually harm your child's brain development and mental health. Spanking teaches kids to use aggressive behavior to solve their problems, and doesn't help them learn emotional regulation or communication skills. Never hit your child in response to a tantrum (or at all). Some experts recommend picking up your child and holding them if it's feasible and safe for you (if they're not flailing too much or trying to hit you, for instance), since they'll find your embrace comforting. And by staying calm, you'll help them calm down, too. This way, you're also modeling healthy coping skills for your kid. You can return after you've taken a few deep breaths or gotten a glass of water – whatever you need to do to help yourself calm down. If you find yourself getting overly frustrated, some experts suggest calmly letting your little one know you're taking a short break, and then leaving the room for a few minutes. Instead, just sit down and be with them while they rage. When your child is swept up in a tantrum, they're unable to listen to reason, though they will respond – negatively – to your yelling or threatening. The storm of emotion they're going through can be frightening to them, and they'll appreciate knowing you're nearby. Stomping out of the room – tempting as that may be – can make them feel abandoned. In general, it's best to stay with your child during a tantrum. While this is hard to handle, even breath-holding can be normal behavior for a child having a tantrum. In addition to kicking, screaming, and pounding the floor, your toddler's repertoire may include throwing things, hitting, and holding their breath to the point of turning blue. Don't lose your coolĪ tantrum isn't a pretty sight. As long as your little one isn't in danger, doing something unsafe, or hurting someone else, consider accommodating them to avoid tantrums. Sometimes it's worth it to let your toddler wear their Halloween costume to daycare for a month, or have the same breakfast every single day, or drag their ratty blanket everywhere. If your toddler is having a meltdown because they're hungry or tired, give them a snack or help them settle down for a nap. You'll need to handle a tantrum differently depending on why it's happening. But there are strategies to help you deal with this reality of toddler parenting. Tantrums are perfectly normal behavior, and often you can't do anything to stop them.
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